Pathogenic illusion

Here's a surreal anomaly that I devised while trying to survive a painful breakup.

As I tried to extrapolate and maneuver my thoughts from the person I was hopelessly attached to, the most clever view sprung my understanding. I love as much as to think that life moves on to keep adrift the heart break. But the truth is, the heart experiences great fallacy and is perturbed every minute to acknowledge the loss of someone dearly loved.

While sailing on the same boat, I augmented this reality to the benefit of my fabricated mind. And trust me, this helped me come out of the initial heart breaking moment of a breakup. I call this "Mind Trickery".

First, I acknowledged that I could not accept the loss of the person I was in love with. No matter how much deceiving I was subjecting myself to, it was futile to act as if I moved on while for every opportunity, I was slipping back to that sad remorse state of being.

Next, I dissociated the heart from the mind. In one of my favourite sit coms, I heard a nerdy scientist proclaim the vulnerably manipulative nature of our minds that could actually make any given person perpetually happy if a single needle was inserted at the right periphery of the human brain.

Modelling that, I fine tuned my mind to believe and trust that the person I was not able to let go off was a fragment of my dreaming. And the reality of me sharing a good 3 years of relationship with him was actually a condensed dream I had seen in my dreaming hours.
I never really met this guy, never had we shared those moments and the memories I had were actually a part of my dreaming state which I never really experienced in reality. So, in summary, I never lost anyone in my life. I never met a guy like him and this was just a part of a dream that I have now woken up to.

This also saves from the heart wrenching memories one tries to erase or prevent from getting haunted with because with time, there is slight or no difference in the memories of the past and the memories of a vivid dream. In fact, the mind can so deeply convince itself of this trickery that the memories of what happened in the past becomes the same as recalling a vividly seen dream.

Right now, if I commensurate the pain I felt for losing him to the vulnerability of my situation during the initial breakup, I'm sure to have broken down to a devastatingly pained wretch.

Yet, what truly gave me courage was the mind trickery with which I could not only look back into what we had in the past but look at the present and awaken from what I believed was just a dream- a pathological illusion.

This defined my future course because my mind now told my heart I hadnt actually lost a lover because it was all in a dream. And when my heart tugged on to the softer side, it was only because of the pain it felt about the most beautiful dream that one wishes was true.

True story!